unless youre prepared. because. you cant be different. unless. youre ready. because. you cant hold on. unless. youre adequately prepared. for all of the things youll hear. and. feel. and. see. and. learn. i cant explain. in simple terms why im still a virgin at 23 going on. to 24. i cant explain it rationally. i cant explain it clearly. i cant. explain. it. without getting into some philosophical argument. without getting all deep and meaningful. without getting all pissedoff and angry. because. no one seems to understand nor care. i know its unusual. i know its weird. i know its strange. and. i know its unheard of. and. i know im holding out for nothing special. but. still i cant help but wait. i cant help but wait. i cant help but. i cant help. i cant. i. it crawls under my skin and sits in sin every time someone implies that im a dyke. that i must just be a lesbian because ive held out so long. because. ive controlled it so long. because. i dont break down for dick. because. im strange. and. my voice is low. like a growl. and. i like punk. and. blood. and. cars. and. boyclothes. and. boythings. and. i cant bother to explain. because. its unexplainable. and. it wouldnt matter anyway. because. even when i do try. it falls out flat and unheard. because. assuming is so much better. and. even when i believe im over it. it crawls under my skin. when someone implies im something im not just because im not usual or normal or everything a girl should be. fuckit. i cant help being me. i cant help the low voice. or the low wants. or low needs. or low secret thoughts. i cant help it. ive grown into it. and. ive been condemned time and time again because of it. i cant explain holding on so long. how sad it makes me feel because im not like the others. because i feel so separated. and. because. all i want is so much simplicity. it seems overly demanding. and. unable to be fulfilled. i want to be tamed. but. i know i cant be tamed. i cant be because i like me. i like my things. and dreams and schemes. im sorry i dont wear pink.