It's morning again. Didn't sleep well, actually no sleep at all. Thoughts to many to surpress. Ideas to many to refuse. Clouded mind seeking release. It's my mother's birthday. Another year gone. Another day done. Reach the point of not knowing what to say. What is there to say that I haven't already said? She just smiles and smiles. She knows I don't know her, not really. I know she doesn't know me, not truly. We are two strangers bound together by blood, nothing more nothing less. We are strangers indeed, but connected none the less by our misguided souls and empty hearts always looking for more. I often wonder when the world will get better. Beauty one day, horror the next. No wonder we all sit in chaotic trances dreaming of more than this. Always reaching, never grasping. Happy Birthday Mom. Moving on later in the day... Well I've called everyone to let them know I'm not dead. I don't know what it is about me but most of the time I perfer to be on my own. I feel there is too much burden to being part of some clique, besides people get old real quick with me. I can only handle so much annoying behavior so long before I go insane. I don't know, actually maybe I do know. I mean it just feels like everyone I meet expects me to be a certain way and to remain a certain way, I can't and maybe I don't want too. I mean what does one really get out of life if they constantly play some role that isn't even close to what or who they are. Well enough of the deep thinking for a moment. My toothache is getting much better. I was sure for a few moments there that I might have to o.d. on tylenol before the pain let up, but lucky me it's all good now. Maybe now that I'm feelin more social I can go back to having a lot more fun. Hermit versus Non-stop-partier? Maybe one day I'll balance these two personality traits out.