some times i wonder if things are falling apart or falling together. i love d but she will never change. and angel will get screwed in the process. but im not there. so i dont exsist there. i dont matter. and for some reason thats okay to me. its okay to not exsist there. to be there. to feel there. and ill forget it all and let it all sink to the bottom of whatever heart i have left. im not a casual person anymore. im not a feel-er anymore. im not bitter right now. im not unhappy. im in the process of growing up. its a pain. but its time. and i have to. whether i like it or not. i just want to be someTHING spectacular. someTHING worth my effort. i came here. ive been drunk a year. and now im waking up. and seeing it all before me. happily. fortunately. if ive made it a year drunk. ill definitely make it a year sober. one way or another. one day after another. today is the beginning of the rest of your life. what a silly ass quote.