ive relapsed more then once. i wont tell anyone. ever. because. im surprised ive made it this long without fully falling back into it. but. as long as you keep coming back. keep trying. i suppose. im restless. and unhappy. being brattish. and sore. ive got to get over it. seriously. wasting too much time wasting my time. wasting. wasting. time. and its ridiculous to even attempt contact with anyone.. because. it isnt really anything i miss. but. boredom doth creep in. and this is supposed to be my new start to everything. and im refusing in a way. and. hearing about her bender 4 or 5 or 6 days. and how ill she must feel. and i do not envy that alone. at all. if youve never been there. dont ever volunteer to go. because. being low. is being low. is being at your very worst. and alone. i need to take my sobriety far more seriously. to focus. my attention. on actually changing. and not just the daydreaming. ive decided to leave behind everything ive had here. because. i want to be new. and different. and changed. i need to actually committ to it. and stop rambling on about it. today is day number one. all over again. for good. the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time.