and i'm here with my supposed best friend. she's boring me. and not quite like i remember. she's more dependent now. and not so free. anymore. her bohemianess has changed into neediness. and all that matters is bobby. i'm not trying to be mean. or unenjoyable company. but. something feels off. and i need a job. to meet new people with new things to say. seb's lacking in spontaneous movements. it's predictable. and boring. but what can i do. smile. and smile. and keep my mouth shut. because this is where i need to stay right now. and get ahold of things. so i can move on. move. on. past. this. and. that. i thought we'd have more fun. i thought she's be more inspired. but. no. 4 days and i'm beginning to feel it. i miss home. and the people always ready for something. danielle's ill and now i'm worried about her. we haven't been getting along. but. i know we'd be having fun if it were her i was with. seb is missing something. and it's bringing me down. i don't want to be mean. i'd just like to have more fun. instead of feeling like a toy to keep her busy until bobby calls. wasted. time. tomorrow i'll get on the ball and find myself a new life and new things. i hope. i hope i can do this on my own. i've never felt quite so isolated before. and joe won't respond. not that it matters. i guess unfortunately. i will have to leave all those i know now behind. seb as well. our relationship is strained and different. too different for my liking. i feel unknown. a stranger. and strange.