"You two seem like the first who'll perish, so why don't you guys wander off that way and we'll pray for you." Today is a usual day. Not much to report. Well nothing I can report anyways. I've been smoking the past few days so my thoughts aren't exactly clear. I can't blame anything but myself for my life. I can't say I'm unhappy with it though. I won't say I am. I'm rather happy at the moment. Probably because of the assistance I've had. Oh well. Tomorrow I am booked up. I'm supposed to go grocery shopping. Help Paint SEB's little home. Or go out with Wen and get lit. Hmm. I wonder which thing I should follow through with. I did sort of promise SEB I'd help her paint whenever she decided she wanted to get started. So I guess maybe I should attempt to help her out. Maybe she'll call later and say she doesn't feel like painting until Wednesday. Please let her call. Honestly, I just feel like getting lit. And getting some more smoke. I can't help where my loyalty lies. It lies with myself. Remain loyal to your own wants and you will never be lead astray. At least that's what I think. I've decided that I can't change everything about the way I am. So why remain so unhappy with it all? Well, fuck being unhappy. Or worried. Or caring. Or anything else. Fuck it. We're only here once so we might as well make the most of it. I will no longer mourn my emotions. Or my loneliness. Some things are meant for some people. I can't question fate. I won't. My heart is healing. I can feel the change inside, deep down inside. Hiding. For now it is. For now it is what it needs to be. This will all come to something eventually. Some sort of ending. I just have to bide my time. Relax and wait. Just breathe and let it all come. I won't make it otherwise. BOOKS I NEED TO READ: Urban Legends. Scriptures of the Buddha. Book of the Dead; Egyptian. Malcolm X. Greek Philosophies. The Prophet. Trainspotting. The 25th Hour. The Tenth Insight. And many others. I can't remember them all in one sitting. I need to do a lot of things for my collections. So time consuming. But it must be done before I take off. ~Someday~ Eventually I'll be gone and it will all be some fading memory. Some slow passing day. When the sun naps in the sky. The grass feels so soft. And the clouds provide the only comfort I need. Someday. Done for now.