Sweet dreams of you plague my mind. Wishing hearts held unkind. Words so bitter aganist my soul. Down the tunnel, down the hall. I guess I am just in love with the idea of love. I've never had a boyfriend. My first and only kiss from a boy happened when I was 5 in kindergarten, his name was Brandon. I remember that. When I was younger boys were always crazy about me. Crazy for a different reason. I've never gone steady or even walked close to first base. I feel like I am missing out. I feel like maybe I'm not missing all that much. What am I waiting for? Well, to be honest I'm waiting for a man. Not some little punk who expects me to coddle him and baby him. I want a man. Not some little boy I need to keep my eye on. I don't want someone who is going to suggest changing me. I am the way I am. I don't want to be tamed or trained. And I won't be. Don't step to me unless you have your mind set on your own path. I won't follow you. But I'll be on the sidelines cheering for you. I expect the same from you. I want freedom. I want love. I want happiness. I want it all. I'm greedy like that. I'd like to have a baby, but that means I'd have to share. I'm not ready for that. I guess I just want someone who can match me. Who won't take my shit. Who won't expect me to take his shit. I don't think I'll ever find what I'm looking for. The house feels so empty now. So silent and withdrawn. We are truly alone again and it hurts. It's always the little things we miss. I don't know. Right now I am wishing I was more important to Keith and Pat, hell even that Mike guy would be all right as long as he showed some interest. See, I am missing this. Missing the feeling of having someone to be intimate with. Both emotionally and psychically. Some times I just hate my life. Tonight is one of those times. Done.