My dreams are never consistent with what is really on my mind. It all comes in fragments. Like signs. I dreamt of a fortune teller telling me things I already, deep down inside know. I dreamt about my friend with the problems. She hinted that it was too late. Her mother handed me the journal I gave my friend and asked me to read. I didn't and I wouldn't. I don't know what my mind has planned anymore. I should've been a psychology major. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I could turn my brain off sometimes. Just momentarily. Than maybe I could get some rest. I have a doctors appointment today. It's Friday the 13th. I get to lay out all of my problems. Hope she'll understand. Or at least recommend someone who will. I don't know of what else to write. Nothing exciting has happened yet. I'm worried about Dani. I haven't heard from her since her last upsetting phone call. Would anyone notify me if something happened to her? Why can't these people pay their phone bills? Ridiculous. I hope she's all right. The baby too. She better contact me soon. Wen hasn't called either. She's probably angry. Upset about nothing. This jealousy and envy I hold with my old friends is beginning to wear thin. I didn't choose to stop my life at 18 by settling down with some loser and having his baby. I'm not all that partial to the thought of a child right now. I'm 21 not 31. These are the choices they made though. I tried honestly to talk them out of it. To explain to them that there are better, more exciting things that life has to offer. But to no avail did I win my case. They went on and now they're trapped. It's hard to blend your past with your present. Wen, Dani, and I don't mesh like we used too. We aren't kids anymore. I do wish that they could have enjoyed these things with me. Going out. Getting drunk. Parties. Travelling. Running around like an idiot. The whole college experience. I wish they would've held on a little bit longer. I wish I could fix it. Change their situations. But I can't. All I can do is sit and plot. Make plans on how to change my life. Afterall, I'm the only one who's really going to be there for me. I don't know. Rambling. Bored. Done for now.