i'd like to write a book. and have it make sense. i'd like to fill it with nonsense and enjoyable laughs. last night i spent time with people i'd rather avoid. we rode around. here and there. and i wished the entire time i was some place else. far away. dani does what tim wants. wen does what she wants. sarah does what guys want. and i'm tired. of these people. and the same old places. and the same old games. it's all growing so old. so tired. how high can you stay before you realize it no longer works. it doesn't work. letting your mind fade away. and into bliss. the bliss never comes. because you always come down. way down. and hit the ground. falling. there's no running here. i can't keep it up. the charade. the game. i feel like at any moment. it will all fall apart. away. and then i'll be left in a corner. with no way out. nervous. this is what i am. nervous. and shaky. on this ground. it quaking. so much thought. so little time. painting is nice. uncommon. for me. i want. i want. something different. a new taste. a new day. a new person to meet. a new anything. would do. starvation day one: slightly successful. one milk. some peanut butter. an oat bar. i am well on my way. maybe. not. i'm in search for a new game to play. i feel i'm losing this one. and i don't like to lose. dfn.