I have no mood. I'm done with moods. I don't know what to do about anything. WEDNESDAY. Did laundry. Watched tv. Talked with M. Ran errands. Ran late. Made it to SEB's. Chilled. Went to Giant Eagle. Bought Milk, boost, cookies, cornflakes, and cupcakes. Rained hard. Stormed. Got wet. Laughed. Finally decided to go out. SEB and me. Bar by 8 p.m. Got a booth by the window. One Blue drink. Depressed. Alone. Going on second blue drink. People come. Crowded. Loud. Tons of people in our booth. Talked to a cute guy named Brandon, Math major. Third blue drink. Drunk. Rambling. Stuttering. Staggering. Go out for air. End up walking home with Luke. SEB gets sick. J comes over. Nurse SEB back to health. SEB passes out. J stays. Talks a lot. Felt drunk. Slightly ill. J finally leaves. Lay down. Fall asleep. So that was my Wednesday night. Or as we call it, "Blue Drink Night." I got trashed. It felt good. Tonight I am conflicted over a stupid thing. A stupid guy. Keith. SEB's love. Her dream. Her crush. I liked him. Sort of. Like a friend. I think from now on I'll leave him alone. I mean it this time. I feel like a backstabber. But should I? Keith and I were getting along wonderfully until SEB came into the picture. Too much pressure. Comparing her and I. She wins hands down. She's thin and pretty. I'm chubby with a great sense of humor. I wanted to explain to her. But I'm afraid she'll get angry. Keith was, well is interesting. I'm not overly drawn to him. Because he's gone and practically a stranger to me. I was just interested in his insults and sarcasm. We held hands that one night for almost an hour. I don't know why. I feel guilty. But I can't tell her. She'll hate me. I don't know. I won't bother him again. I won't expect a call or an e mail. I won't do either for him. It isn't my business. I should have left well enough alone. I should have. But I guess the rejection from Pat played with my heart. Keith always responded. Usually. It isn't easy always being the girl no one notices. It isn't easy being all alone all the time. Wanting a true love. Connecting with so many guys, yet rejected by each one. I shall be back.