"This is Megs and Wen, calling for (Blank)." Well how nice of Wen to call at almost 9 p.m. to see if I want to go to Lisa and Wills. So nice of them to care so much. Fucking shit. I wanted to get high so bad tonight. And now I am a prisoner of circumstance. I'm 21 and M still maintains control over me. It's ridiculous beyond all points. I can't go where I want. When I want. How I want. Why I want. It's messed up. And my patience grows thinner by the day. I'm afraid of staying around her too much. My feelings just get so confining. They called again. No message this time. How nice. Wen couldn't have called before heading over there. Of course not. She wants me to drive there. Fucking bitch. I'm upset right now. Actually pissed, very pissed. Sure, I have my Smirnoff for tonight, but damn I wanted more weed. And Wen couldn't notify me sooner. Damnit. Damnit all to hell. I'm sick of this whole place. All of these people. Everyone. And everything. It does nothing, but rain on my head. Tap. Tap. Tap. More shit to always deal with. More shit to keep quiet about. More and more shit to get pissed about. I'm sick of it all. Everyone in my life. All this shit that keeps going on. I'm pissed at Wen and Dani for always thinking I'll jump when they call. I'm pissed at M for never staying out of my business. I'm pissed at SEB for replacing our friendship with her man J. I'm pissed at Pat for pretending to be something he wasn't. I'm pissed at John for dying. I'm pissed at Sean for not hiring me back. I'm pissed at Mike for not calling or stopping by. I'm pissed at Vadim for never showing the right amount of interest. I'm pissed at myself for being the way I am and not being able to change. I'm generally pissed about everything. I carry a lot of anger with me. A lot. I don't know why. I don't know how. I don't know. Just a lot of anger and sadness. It must be some natural imbalance in my brain. Or some twisted left over emotions in my heart. Sometimes I wonder if I made some horrible mistake in a past life. If maybe all of this is just some way of punishing me for some sin I committed. Sometimes I wonder if I could've been something different. Someone different. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever be truly happy. Really, truly, utterly, completely happy. Sometimes I wonder if someday will ever get here. Sometimes. Done for now.