how does it happen. i know how it begins. but. i never know why it ends. what was i supposed to do. what was i to say. what was i supposed to do. should i have pushed deeper. harder. should i have displayed my wanting. should i have made my move. but. he couldve too. so. why should i have risked embarassment. and. he doesnt even care. like all the others. im easy to let go. easy to forget. hard to remember. and. hes younger. and. owned. and. different. and. i shouldve known better. and. i hate the fact that its turned into another one of these things. these annoying little things. im left to wonder about. because. no one ever really tells you what they actually are thinking or are wanting. and. im so tired of guessing. and. being afraid to do more or say more or want more. so fuck him. and. the others. and. the others. maybe im really really really not meant to be loved in that way. by one person. for a good long time. maybe im not meant to be missed in that way. by one person. for a very long time. fuck it. i just dont care any longer. screw being weak. ill just have to make my heart stronger. i assume that this is part of my punishment for being such a bad person. fine. ill deal with it.