coming down. going up. is easier. then the other. getting to the high point. feeling the rush. the chemical love. bursting through. is easier. is easiest. when compared. to the other. getting up. and getting over. the feeling. you love so dearly. that feeling. is so appealing. stop. look. and listen. it has come. the time. to relax. to breathe again. slowly. deeply. bring it all slowly now. for these are bumpy times. to live in. to die in. to mourn in. these are the hills to my mountains. to get there. from here. in enough time. in one piece. of a fucked puzzle. time to stop the drink. time to exhale the smoke. time to empty out the bottles. spill the pills. down the drain. time to stop. it all. before the crash comes. before the casualties. of war. grow to high. time to stop. slow down. grab life and relax. hold it tight. and hope for the best. the best. of the rest. of now. there are signs all about. screaming out. my name. this game has grown tired. once again. i am too old. or the game is too old. or it's all so old. now. i cannot see the light. caught behind a screen of indecision. and wrong decision. mistakes are many. and now. the man comes to collect. my debt. i must pull up and out. for a time. relax. breathe. hit the trail to sobriety. and hope for. the best. and such. stuff. there is to come. she would be ashamed. and i am. now. that i realize. everything. the truth. if there is such a thing. i do live the addicts dream. and i love it too much. too much. do i love. the feeling of getting high. and getting by. and drinking. until the end. comes. passed out. on the floor. always wanting more. and more. i love it. the feeling of hatred. and love. the feeling of control. and chaos. mixed in one hit. one shot. one. feeling. covering my body. inside. and outside. of my mind. new streets. new things. i must empty this house. i must find my place. i must move. on. definitely. i must. do things. now.