and it all is so confusing. and limited. beyond belief. how much to tell. how much never to tell. how much to carry to hell. and throw down the well. and all that. nonsense. of trying to be something new. without becoming that old thing. and george will assume. the worst. because. he seems to be that way. not his fault. of course. it never is. but. how can i say im reformed. when. im not. not really. not ever really. will i be reformed or conformed. deformed. maybe. i dont know. and sarah is probably upset for one reason or another. lame reason. and i do not care. because i do not particularly care about her. not really. shes left me out too many easy times. and left me to my own here. so let her be on her own completely. thats why i dont want her computer. i dont want anything from her. not really. because. i do not particularly care. eh. i still must send joe the rest of his money. i still must send eric the rest of his money. i still must figure out how much to pay sarah and when. eh. i hope work goes fast today. i hope i make it there on time. and i hope i dont get lost coming back home. bleh