Garcinia Cambogia, is indeed now, my favorite word (s). It's calming to say. Nice to say. Easy to say. "And there were no more sheep." Whatever? Well I can't complain about today. I had a nice day with PRD. (SURPRISE / AWE) But I did. really. it was enjoyable. We met up around 8 in the a.m. [to study and learn poetry] We met at the library. He smiled. I smiled. And the fun commenced. We joked around too much. (like usual) He told me more about his girlfriend. I was surprised. They've been together 3 years. Well Halloween (my favorite day) will be their 3 year anniversary. (break my heart) Anyways. She's going to be a teacher. (no surprise) He wants to write her a poem. (A poem?) If some guy, especially PRD, wrote my dumbass a poem, I'd die. Could he be any sweeter? Maybe not. Damn him! Damn her! for having him. And damn me! for wanting him. I'm not sure if today made my crush any easier to get over. it hurts. a little. Talking to someone you like so much and want to know so much more about. And they tell you personal things. Things you wish weren't true. Weren't real. I'm not sad though. or depressed. or bitter. He's a good guy. And she's lucky. I'll get mine next time. It'll happen, I'm sure. Maybe? Someday. "Some things were never meant to be." I don't know how to feel. let down? no. sad? no. hurt? no. disappointed? a little. Aww. But this is how it is. LIFE. That grand thing that keeps us going until we can go no more. That horribly beautiful sense of confusion and pain. Always wondering when it will get better, should it get better. Always asking why? and when? and how? LIFE. That grand and horrible thing. So today I am happier. (long deep breath) Today I am all right. i am still. centered a little. Today I'll worry some. bite my nails. Tomorrow will be better. Cause it'll be: FUCKING HALLOWEEN! Amen brothers and sisters. One more day and night of bullshit and celebration will be mine. If all goes well. (crossing chubby little fingers) I think maybe tomorrow I'll write a nice poem or something about Halloween. Why? Because I fucking can, damn you! I feel different right now. easy. calm. I feel like it's all somehow going to be okay. I love feeling like this. As though someone had their hand on my shoulder comforting me. Guiding me. Showing me that it's all going to be all right, eventually. I like feeling like this. breathing. This is indeed a very long entry. maybe too long. not that it matters. it's mine and i can do what i feel. I think I will end now. Log off the computer. Walk down the hall and up the stairs. Sit on the floor and wait for my next class. Daydream until it's time to go back to training. Daydream through training until it's finally time to go HOME. aww home. Well. Good-bye. "Fuck this and that." DFN.