let me remind you of this. things come and things go and this i know. its all true whether i like it or not. everyone must leave. everyone must pass by. everyone must live. we all must die. its just so hard feeling so many things at once. having no place to put it all. having no place to push it all aside. and. to hide. my mind is constantly going through the ideas and thoughts and memories and pains and joys and sorrows. whether i like it or not. i try to stop it. but. it. never. stops. i give myself one year here. 7 more months. if that. before i make a choice to leave again. not to necessarily go home. but to leave all together. i cant remain in one place too long. i fear the reprocussions if i do. i fear feeling too settled. when i know i cant settle. not really. my life is such a mess now. im lucky if i make it to 30 at this rate. but i assume it doesnt matter. why should it. seventh street is the one place i can always run too if all else fails. which it most likely will. and i miss my little punk angel. i miss her. i miss feeling important in her little life. i just dont know. and. i guess i wish i knew someone that did. that did know for sure what it all leads too. what it all means. why some of us have to fall down so hard some times. and. watch the things we love burn away. i wish i knew why it hits us so hard some times. why all the worst things we could imagine actually take form some times. why i feel so lost all of the time. and. so very ugly. and. god doesnt like ugly. and. maybe there is no god. i dont know. i just dont know whats to become of me.