"There are some things in life you cannot wait for, this is one of them." Today spent the day wishing was somewhere else, being someone else. P brought an apple today. Didn't need that. That rare act of kindness and thoughtfulness. He owed it. That's how it is. Won't look too deep into it. Don't want too. No longer care about such matters. (This is how it goes.) Dreaming is dreaming. Wishing is wishing. Neither one are much. Neither one lead to anything. Neither one are of any use to me. Giving up. Giving in. Reading Malcolm X. Sitting. Reading. Learning. Forgetting. Might as well read. Not doing much of anything else. This girl. Blonde. Tan, smooth skin. Short, bobbed hair. Fashionable clothes. P'd do her. Know it. Can tell. She's his type. Blonde and happy. Blonde and beautiful. Not me. Which is fine. We can't be everything. We can't be someone else. This life of mine is indeed tiring. From stress. From slacking. From getting high. From forgetting. From not caring. From being me. A slacker. Tried and true. From red to blue. "The only thing I live for...is you." Put that where you like. Feeling tired. Hot. Sweaty. And full. 4 day weekend ahead. Must do work. Must read. Must study. Must. Might go see Dani today. Not sure. Never am. Maybe? Probably. Feeling fine. Good still. Slightly happy. Almost cheerful. The storm is passing. Surviving. Breathing. This is all I ask. DFN.