I ran errands today. All day. No break. I paid bills. I got money orders. I bought groceries. I did it all and than some. I had too. John is ill, really ill. He looks ill. I don't tell him that though. I tell him he looks better since he got home. He smiles and says he knows. My mother is still worrying. 6 weeks and John may be dead. It's hard to know, but still a worry. I have all kinds of things on my mind tonight. Test tomorrow. Going out tomorrow night. Relaxing tomorrow. Seeing Keith tomorrow. Maybe talking to Pat tomorrow. I don't want to become dependent on these people. Especially Keith. He is so not my type. Pat, definitely not. I say this because I know already that they could never look at me and see 'beauty.' I'm not beatiful. I am ugly. I feel more comfortable admitting that to myself. Everything seems to be easier as long as I don't try and don't care. I ran into Traci today. We went to school together. Elementary and Highschool. She looked the same. Smaller, prettier, less innocent. She has a son now. 2 years old. We didn't talk long, if at all. We made comments. She turned and walked away. I didn't say goodbye or anything. It didn't seem proper or right to say anything. She plans on going to school. It's been 4 years since we graduated. I am almost done with school. I didn't mention that though. No one I used to know seems to enjoy hearing about my college career. They all usually have babies. On WIC. Welfare. Foodstamps. Living on 17th. Hating me. Hating themselves. I feel like a reminder of what could have been for them. What they don't understand is I am no different than they are. I just tried a little more. Kept my legs crossed. Thought about more than my 'MAN.' Than again I've never had a boyfriend. So maybe it is easier for me. I need to call Danielle and Sarah back. Sarah wants to e mail Keith. She's 'secretly' in love with him. I'm glad I'm not. Maybe? Oh well, tomorrow will be here soon and be over soon. I am done.