and i miss that place. that low place i used to call home. that low low low low place. that old worn out place. and i miss it there. i miss it? there? is it possible? it all sounds so the same. same. and never changing. the same. and old. and familar. and i guess a small piece of me misses it. a bit. the nonworrying i did there. the careless i controlled there. or uncontrolled. or didnt care to control. and i guess i am growing a bit tired of this place. for one reason or another. one reason or another. im not sure why. maybe i feel too settled here. and the newness has gone and worn off. like it usually happens i suppose. i dont want it to happen. but. it has. and im not brining myself down by admitting it. im just being honest. as i suppose i am from time to time. i dont want to leave. but. i do. i dont want to leave. but. a part of me would like to. i dont want to return home. but. deep down maybe i do. a little bit. a tiny bit. a bit bit. but. that doesnt mean im willing to chuck it in yet. that doesnt mean im willing to pick up and lug home again. so sooon. so fucking soon. o. but. then. again. i miss those losers. i miss them all in one fucked up way or another. i miss seventh street for its irresponsibility and always willingness to get smoked. i miss danielle for her absolute over confidence and her complete stupidity. i miss ray for his intolerable charm and his deep hidden rage. i miss joe for his jokes and drugs and even his cruel honesty. i miss aimee for her lovely insanity and her easy seduction of people. i miss joel for his playerness and his careless humor. i miss everyone. for one fucked up reason or another. for one fucked up reason or another. and although id like to be able to walk a block and be right back there again. i know itll never be as it was. and it cant be as it was. those completely fucked up in your face retarded im a liar times. cannot be replayed. no matter how much id like it to sort of be so. and although id like to visit there again right now this moment. if i did so. i know. id want to leave just as quickly as i returned. because. it wasnt meant to be yet. it cant be yet. ive settled here for a moment. and if i go there ill just have to settle there as well. i dont know where to call home. or what to do. i dont know what i want right now. i guess i just miss relaxing and breathing. and not worrying. so much. i dont know. i refuse to be committed to any decision. any place. any people. any job. any way of life. because. all things are temporary. i wish i could talk to joe again. no bullshit this time. no weirdness this time. no me on his dick this time. no anything but just talk. for real. for once. but. its time i let that want go too. i just feel very strange these days.