i didn't mean to be. mean. to her today. but. i won't lie. i did it on purpose. because. it's so lame. here. because. she doesn't want to do anything. and. i guess. i was wrong. for expecting more. she has a little set. up. now. and we're more different then before. i want freedom. and she wants burden. i feel bad for it now. but not really. it's rude. how. this. is. playing. out. i feel rushed when we're out. because. bobby might call. and she'll be off. not very polite. to. me. i would've taken her along anywhere. if. it. were. there. instead. of. here. and. switched. i just feel ignored and dissed. and she just seems so different. and lame. and loserish. i forgot the quote. but it was true. and hit close to my heart. seb has different dreams. i'm not trying to hate on them. that's why i was being quiet. i can't slip up anymore. and i'd like to disappear. really. this. time. without. telling. a. soul. but. maybe it'll get better. it has too. or i will have to leave. because there will be no reason to stay. and i'll go home until i can go somewhere else. i don't want this to be a completely wasted venture though. i want. something. more. to. occur. then. nothing. i need a job.