it is pushed back. and. down. and. its hidden in the shadows. and. i know it. and. i can block it most of the time. but. not all of the time. and. now is one of those times. the. count. down. to. death. begins. today. or. began. today. a year ago. this was a monday. and. we were in the living on rudolph. and. she was wasting away in her recliner chair. i was changing her the best i could. she was trying the best she could. it wasnt enough. and. so i made the phone call to hospice. to hospice. to. those. people. and. the woman stopped by to evaluate the situation. and. she asked my mom questions. she asked her what year it was. and. what her name was. and. if she knew where she was. and. my lovely mother could answer all those questions. but. she wasnt really there. not anymore. she faded quickly. and. i helped her fade. and. the woman from hospice said it was best if a nurse began to visit. and. they would get us a hospital bed. and. i knew then. i knew then that it was only a matter of minutes. once they bring in the bed it ends. i knew this. my mother knew this. but. we needed it. the recliner was uncomfortable. and. they brought in the bed. and. she laid down in it. she accepted her grave. a year ago on a monday. ================================ my heart is still breaking. 365 days later. my. heart. is. still. breaking. 6 more days. until i break completely. i miss my mom.