"Independence Day" I'm not doing much today. I've worn out my welcome with everyone I know. Well that might not be the case. Maybe they've worn out their welcome with me. I'm tired of constantly worrying about others. Wondering if they're all right. No one seems to worry about me, so what's the point? I feel good today. I slept hard last night. Apparently I didn't miss my REM sleep. I can say I'm happy. If happy is an emotion I can identify. Wen called last night, from work. Wanted to know if we'd be attending their pic-nic on Saturday. I don't really care too. I don't have anything in common with those people anymore. Sometimes I wish I did. But as things do it all changes eventually. You have to let go of the past to get to the future. M and I will be having hotdogs and macaroni salad by ourselves today. Alone. Since John died it's as though he never really existed. I miss him. Usually during the spontaneous moments. When I remember the things we all shared. He taught me how to drive. He bought me anything I wanted. He drank a lot. He kept M company during the lonely times. Now it's just me and her. Sitting here. Passing the time. Waiting for it all to shift. To change. It's a monotonous routine. Repetitive. I can't complain. I won't. There's so much to do. So much to feel. So much to experience. What's the point of whining? There is no point. No point to anything. I hope everyone gets to see fireworks today. It's raining here. Like usual on an important day. My toes are numb. My stomach's twisting. I wonder why. Done for now.