I am not listening to any current music. Nor am I feeling any current emotion. Today was another one of those 'blah' days. Nothing added up to much. I snuck and bought another 1/5 of Vodka. Maybe I won't drink it. Maybe I won't be tempted. Maybe I'm lying. Maybe. Keith is history. I feel like writing a book based upon my life. I feel I've lived a very unusual life thus far. Maybe that's just my ego speaking. I could or would find it entertaining though. To let people in. Examine. Judge. Ridicule. It could be exciting in a way. I had massive night terrors last night. I kept dreaming about my cell phone trying to contact me. In all actuality the warning tone was going off because the battery was running low. But still. These small annoyances are not helping my present situation. Sleep is just a dream now. A wish. The deep seeded secrets of my brain are battling my own wishes. I wish to sleep. The secrets keep haunting me. A never ending cycle. Moving onto happier things. Well. There are happy things. I know. I'm guessing. I'm beginning to wonder whether or not I made the correct choice to be a writer. Or to become a writer. Maybe I should've been a teacher. I could teach the ankle-biters of the world lessons on history or art. Or maybe not. Maybe I should've gone for a science degree or something. Although I'm not the best person to have mixing chemicals. Or adding. Or subtracting. I don't know. I just can't seem to settle down on a clear picture of my future. Maybe I'll be successful and end up managing my very own chain of McDonalds restaurants. Mm. Only if I'm lucky. I've lost 19 lbs. I'm happy. I don't like having a big ass. Knocking things over every time I walk past. I figure I'll go from big ass to medium ass to small ass. Hopefully. I'm striving for it so who knows. I have a Debbie Gibson song stuck in my head. Well I'm pretty sure it's Gibson. "Only in my dreams...lalalal...never what it seems." It goes something like that. Maybe. Unless my brain's having weed flashbacks or something. Oh weed. How I miss thee. If only I could count the ways. Well moving on. Slowly. I think I'll go now and call a friend. Well one friend since they're all disappearing on me. Like that show Without a Trace. Damned if ya do. Damned if ya try. Damned if ya do and don't get caught. Well done for now.