somedays. some hours. for some minutes. our minds may play tricks on us. play tricks with our emotions. and our perception of such emotions. somedays. somehours. someminutes. are brutal. and not that good good brutal. but that bad. suffer brutal. i skip the elation and go right into narration. he made me feel good. but now he makes me feel worse. let down. empty. nothing resolved. nothing closed. things left unspoken about. and he is what he is. and i am what i am. and this last time was goodbye. i think. i will think. i am thinking. i am believing. because it has to be. eventually they each go away. maybe tomorrow. maybe saturday. but always eventually. so this was our last round of it. our last bout at it. and it solved nothing. i asked nothing. i left everything wide open. as usual. it doesnt matter. im done. with feeling for him. because theres no point. energy being wasted. energy being wasted. completely. so goodbye macgyver. it doesnt seem to make any difference to him. if anything he fakes pretty well. and faking isnt something i like to feel. so goodbye. no more bothering or stalking or obsessing or missing. nothing. i need to do it. whatever it is. and just let it go. and maybe thats what all of this is pointing too. getting at. the road is wide open. and it is. nothing is written in stone. not even any of my financial worries. if it isnt in stone it doesnt matter. i came to vegas. i survived here. i was liked and loved and hated here. i danced and drink and smoked and fought here. and i made it a yearandsomemonths. i need to leave behind the fear.