im almost out of. maybe. i guess. i feel more calm then usual. more relaxed. when i should be way more stressed. i am stressed. i just cant feel it. but. its there. residing somewhere behind my shadowed mind or maybe behind my broken heart. its there though. looming. he walked into my life. and walked out with the millionth customer prize. i just didnt know it at the time. i do now though. taken. like a fool. because. i am a fool. easy said. easy done. ill never forgive him. nor forget. we will never speak again. i will never try to contact him again. i hope hes happy. i hope he gets everylittlething he deserves. good but mostly bad. id write a detailed layout of what i think should happen to him. but. ill spare you the gruesomeness this time around. what bothers me most is the fact at how calm i feel about it. about how indifferent i feel. so nuetral. so numb. i guess after so many things go wrong in your life. you get used to it. like a pest that wont go away. or an extra body limb. or the lack of a body limb. after awhile you just dont try to care anymore. it will be the last time i fail or fuck up anything. it will also be the very last time i ever trust anyone. never again. its me now. i wont be contacting anyone back home for quite some time. i wont make an effort to find him. in my book its as done as if he were dead. in my book he is. ill make sure to write a small painful part in there just for him. once a fool always a fool. at least i cant feel the embarassment 3000miles away. at least here i dont have to face any of them. at least here it all doesnt have to feel so real. you didnt have to take it. not like that.