so i dont know da deal. the deal. with george or robert or anyone. anymore. maybe i bore him. or maybe final fantasy is his life. dedication is the key. but. pathetic if it comes so often and needs so much. modest mouse rocks my world. really. seriously. and. i guess i cant expect too much. my life. is lame. as well. but. i cant keep it this way. i cant survive on such boredom. its unlike me. unlike me. unlikely. that ill keep it straight for much longer. maybe until i pay off erick. maybe until i pay off joe. and maybe once i pay sarah a few more times. and then. ill head out. or maybe head home. or maybe somewhere else that isnt here and im not known. because. thats just what i feel like these days. why. not. just. go. why. not. just. let. go. why. not. why. and maybe someday itll make more sense. and maybe im wearing out my welcome. and. maybe. i. am. and. have. i dont know. george is weird. and our conversations are brief and quiet. whispers. i always fear the worst. but. whatthefuckever. as long as i pay and keep clean. i see no problem. i wish. that lady and her children wouldve left today. really. its bothersome with the little boy around. and i dont particularly like strangers. anymore. i dont know. it would just be nice if i didnt have to tiptoearound. now. but. maybe theyll leave tomorrow. hopefully. i need to keep it new and stay the same as when i came. i dont want to be the old me. not so stupid and fat and silly. i wont let that happen. i refuse. i do. refuse. we/ll see. now. wont we.