on my own... it hadnt really dawned on me lately that ive been spending so much time alone. away from everyone. away from my nights out. doing this and drinking that. its a shame i had to be weak and buy a bottle. but. maybe i wont do it again. i hope. i do have work tomorrow. but. i do have a ride thanks to ones roomies girltothefriend. ----------------------------- she didnt really want to tell me her plans... knowing they involved him and other people. but. i think she was surprised i didnt get all weird. i think i am too. i dont really care. once i stop. i find it hard to pick up where i left off. i ignore people as though id never met them. and i expect them to understand. no matter what. i wont ever ever call him again or text. and i know ive said this before. but this. time. he isnt in my face day and day out. needing attention. besides this only proves how fake he is. if theres one thing i cannot accept is fake-ness. despite my issues and lies and deceptions and mistakes. ive never been fake about them. ive never said "i dont like that person...theyre not as cool as you...blah blah blah" just in order to gain points. if theres one thing i cant do its fain affection. no matter what. ill put up with you. but if i dont feel it. i wont feel it. oh well im dwelling on my own hell. ---------------------------- you know in the beginning my entries used to be somewhat entertaining and maybe even enlightening. but as the years have dragged on theyve become whiney and annoying...yes even to me. i. need. to. change. this. i. know. im a much better writer then this. i know. despite myself.