the living part gets a bit more difficult from this point on i suppose. sobriety is not exactly what i thought god had intended for me. i make such a lovely lush. applying for work like a mad-woman. and nothing seems to be working out right. and i need a job like a blind man needs an apple. and its beyond desperate. and i almost misspelled the above word. not to mention that he loves me not. and loves me still. and then of course the other one never mentioned before had to go and decide he wants me like that. not having considered him before makes me a might nervous. mite? either way. the one on my mind shouldnt be. and the ones mind im on shouldnt be. and this is all such a mess. a lovely way of living. i hope the higher power of mine finds it in his deep heart to send me some sort of job. employment. because being homeless with no money is being hopeless. i can handle the streets as long as i have a few dollar bills. but. with nothing. im done. and done. my own fault though as is it all. but. i cant change the past. its already been fucked. one day at a time. is one day too many.