[my letters are small, i cannot fix it for some unknown reason, maybe this will fix itself later] So yesterday I fell right back into old ways. Nothing's yet to change. SEB and I walked around the mall for hours. BROODING. carrying on. all in the name of sadness. SEB is depressed or unhappy. for reasons neither she nor i can exclaim. She may feel like me. i believe. Bored with this life. this routine of nameless things. We walked. and talked. and laughed. And made fun of our hate for children. And our dislike for handicapped folks who make noise while you're trying to eat in any such pleased to name restuarant. We have many things in common. SEB and i. On the surface we may seem extremely different, but it's only the inside that counts. She marches one with my drum. After the mall. and eating at Max and Erma's. We parted ways. SEB going home. I going to Dani's. Once at Dani's. i felt at home again. Trapped back in my past. Angel was pleased to see me. and i her. She's getting so big. and wise. "Yes, that's right." Dani and I talked on and off about the things that have passed. "I'd feel kind of weird calling her to fuck." Don't bother WILL. Dani and Collin made sure of that. It's odd how people you meet and know. Protect you after awhile. How they know what you're all about. and still love you all the same. I admire that. people who can connect with me. Who have STAYING POWER. and what not. Many don't survive my games. my tests. The one's who do however, find a family they've never had before. A loyalty. Dani lies and I know this. she lies because she has too. It's her way. as i have my own way. and you, yours. We each play games to see how far we can get. Before that games ends. It wasn't long before we were up to the old addictions. And it all left me with a bad, yearning taste in my mouth. I didn't have any cash to throw down. so nothing in return was thrown. It isn't easy going back to the boring times of life. Everything is slowing down. and it's killing me. I can sense it. THE CHANGE. THE SLOWNESS. It happens. Months on end nothing will happen. And than one glorious day, something will occur. Bad or good, it no longer matters. I like when things upset my routine. Disrupt my boredom. But those times have passed now. and the slowness approaches. I will look forward to nothing for awhile. For there will be nothing to look forward too. I can't tell if I feel happier or not. I don't feel anything really. Nothing at all. I am still alone. and lonely. I am still bored. and sad. And standing on the EDGE. But this is how it is. Neverending matter. A cycle of useless repetition. Classes begin in a day and a half. I do not want to see PRD. and i don't believe i will. I feel happy about this. in some way. Some bitter way. Right now I have to go and find something to do before I go MAD. DFN.