[dreams come and go] today i went to school. took a test. and. nothing. i learned a few more things. and hated it. i'm 22 and done with growing mentally. intelligently. whatever. i am eating less. and moving more. the bedroom of mine is clean. my sanctuary. free space. escape. all clean now. and fresh. and nice. it's so difficult to let a crush go. patrick stayrs persistently on my mind. day in. day out. night time. night. i keep rehashing all the things he ever said to me. i remember each comment. each smile. each insult. each mocking of me. each thing. and it kills me. i want to forget. let it go. but it's there. burning. in my brain. analyzing everything. over and over and over and over and over. again. and once again. i'm so tired of this longing. yearning. burning crap. he wasn't even right for me anyways. too preppy. and cool. and shallow. he wasn't into me anyways. at all. oh hell. i have homework to do. i'm sure. things to catch up on and learn. i'll do it later. right now i feel like being a zombie. and zoning out. filling my head with useless angry information. that'll i'll never possibly use. or completely understand. i feel like painting. and i will. i just need a canvas. and paints. and other artists things. i will. i know. right now. i'm going. "to each his own." dfn.