[i remember when i thought radical meant cool] I woke today. pounding head-ACHE. no excuse. I woke up looking for something. but forgot. SEB called. early. too early. I was drifting around in nonsense land when M yelled so loudly. "Sarah's called twice." Good for her, I say. I was busy in dreamland. trying to make sense of my world. Distractions. ridiculous. I got up. shook off the cold. turned off the fan. Tried to remember the last thing I thought before bed. Still can't remember. My dream was loopy. weird. nonconsistent. A dog or two. and something else. blurry. I don't dream that much. My last dream was a sign though. I've decided. Yesterday I went to Dani's. we sat around. Bullshitting. Thinking up ways to 'score.' Deciding on the whys and wheres and the hows. Devised a plan and followed it through. It all worked out nicely. on my part. And that's the only part that counts. "Look out for number 1." Unless of course, you're a number 2. Then please step to the back of the line and await further instructions. I've decided I don't believe in PRD. I don't believe in classes. or learning. Or wasted time. I've decided that change is needed. and can no longer be avoided. And no longer WILL BE. I feel numb. and cold. and unconcerned. I feel 'thuggish' and distant. I am uncaring and cold today. Lazy and bold. and i wait. Times do change. I'd feel better if I hadn't made so many mistakes already. So many failed attempts. Unlimited drive. Carelessly wasted talent. Is there any point to making a point at all? No. It's dropped. eventually. broken on the hard wood floor. Swooshed under the rug. Hidden in that little space under our broken couch. I'm not making sense anymore. and that's fine with me. "I seen her breathing." DFN.