i am the me i have not been before. the new me. a me that likes new things. and old things. and a me that is not the me i used to be. and such. are things. as they come. and go. away. i am the me who is lost. and can't see. blind. to all those. important things. over time. maybe. it will improve. my hindsight. maybe. i am the me who doesn't like the old me. and the me that remembers the other things. of before. in the time of when she was here with the old me. and loving me. and now i hate me. and loathe the old me. and change the me. i used to love being. but now. things have come and gone. and gone. and i find myself sitting in the rooms alone. crying. and speaking. of those other things. memories. to share with only myself. of the loud truck. and the lights out. and the fears i used to have. and still have. and it all. piles up. on my BRAIN. things are things. are useless things. i am trapped in a new kind of hell. and things aren't going so well. i can feel my brain begin to swell. and spill over. being lonely. is being hard. is being cold. being alone. is being sad. is being tired. being sad. is being left. is being gone. being gone. is being trapped. is being wronged. i am numb with pain. from the tip of my head. to the very tip of my toes. it aches. like no other pain. i've ever felt. or wanted to feel. if i could lock. a man. in a room. for seventy years. and have him listen. to all of the thoughts. locked inside my brain. i think i'd feel a bit better about it all. i think now i will go.