I feel all right, considering. I gave in. I bought a pint of Smirnoff 80 proof. I know, I know. I'm addicted. I can't seem to fight it all the time. It's been almost 4 days, maybe 5 since I had my last drink. Maybe I'll get sick and this will finally end my indulgence. Maybe. Hopefully. We got invited to a pic-nic today, but like usual we didn't go. I didn't want too. Things have changed. I don't have anything in common with those people anymore. Basically, they get on my nerves. I don't know why. I can't explain it. Maybe I'm just sick of trying to deal with my life and theirs. It gets so confusing and it hurts so much when nothing changes anyways. I put in all my time for them and there is never any improvement. I don't know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Lost in illusions Dancing in confusion Thoughts constantly in fusion. Transfer feelings to new space Watching wrinkles change this face Dreaming of some different place Upon the open ground I lay Wishing for just one more day If only pieces weren't falling away ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I don't know what to make of anything anymore. I can dream all I want. I can pretend to be something I'm not. Or I can just be what I am and accept it. Or I could run away and change my name. It's all the same one way or another. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk too. To hold me. To scream with me. To understand. Maybe someday. We rented 5 movies tonight: The First Wives Club **** Harry Potter/Chamber *** Going East (Don't know) The 25th Hour (Don't know) Old Skool (Don't know) So maybe this will take my mind off of it all. Let me smile and just relax for a moment. I can't drink until much later tonight. Hopefully M will pass out soon. Or pass out rather early later. Maybe she won't bother me tonight. Maybe I'll get away with it. Maybe. Done for now.