[sometimes i forget] Here I am. on a cold Tuesday. sitting here. Right here. typing. Thinking up new and exaggerated things to write about. to process. I don't know where this life is taking me. Sometimes I wish I had the map. I feel lost and puzzled and misunderstood. I feel like down by my own-self. I have a class tonight. Nazi-Germany. I don't know whether to go or not. The weather hasn't been too pleasant. I hate all things 'wintery.' I watched a favorite movie of mine last night. M and I. sat tuned in. and tuned out. Watching American History X. Thrilling. Captivating. And sad. I enjoy themes as such. Depressing and certainly hopeless. You know the ending before the ending knows itself. Everything to me in life can be define by one single moment. repeating over. and over. A child's first breath. A gun going off. The sharp cut of a razor across the skin. The reading of a good book with no story. A car crash. The thoughtlessness of a speeding train. The act of running a red light. This is where you find the feeling. Of things. In moments. Glimpses of past mistakes. and regrets. The death of someone close. The pain of living. I am obsessed with my own demise. I have a quote from 'Girl Interrupted' that covers that. but alas it is not in my brain right now. I don't fancy being morbid because everyone else is. Either you have IT. or you don't. I am the outcome of such a decision. The consequence of misplaced action. I am the regret deep down in your heart. The burning of your eyes from the bright sun. The endless spinning of your mind. The meaninglessness of your thoughts. PRD is gone now. out of mind. I am fine with this. Right now I will go and spend some 'quality' time with M. And we will talk. And I will most likely skip my class. And feel guilty about it later. "Better later than right now." "Feel my touch, my electricity." DFN.