i flipped it up and got a new job. i rearranged some weird thing and. the screws came loose. and now im sitting pretty? prettier? some coke heads got my ride and im utterly sincerely truly terrified. this needs to work out. he needs to make it 3000 miles to nevada. he needs to bring me the one last thing i really own. outright. he needs to make it here by noon by morning by midnight. some soon night. my cousins flipping. tripping. and giving me the fear. and i dont like worrying. i dont do it well at all. but i need to chance it. risk it. ride it. and hide it. and get it here and hope he comes through. joe. theres a reason i love you. and not in that weird obsessed way. but in that friend weird way. its because you usually do what you say. you usually take the lead and take the iniative. and get it done. im hoping. you care for me more then to fuck me up and over. like i did you before. what can i do. i have no choice but to trust you. to believe you. i hope i get to see you. and my car. and we/ll roll like rockstars. please turn out okay. like everything else. HAS COME TO BE LATELY. IT ISNT SO BAD. NOT SO BAD AT ALL. IF AT ALL. tuesday = lost virginity. wednesday = got hired at great new job. and it started off somehow. im not sure. but now ive gotta pay up most of all. ive gotta keep my karma clean and free. and easily maintainable. i need to make others happy. and pay back. YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE. YOU DIE HOW YOU LIVE. either happy or miserable. chose one. mines already done. i just want to keep it up. keep it going. lost lasting. and craziness behind me. and infront of me. i just want it to be. okay for me. the road ive traveled is long. and long. and hard. and lonely. and sad. and full of sorrow. and guilt. and regret. i just want to start all over again. and wash away all of these haunting sins. please let this continue. i will not waste one minute second hour day month week year or century being ungrateful. or disrespectful. i want to make my life happen. im tired of letting it happen. i sound like a fucking motivational speaker. but thats okay.