there is a slight chance. i mentioned maybe having to leave town again today. to the girl who used to live in our complex. and. she mentioned the house they are renting. and. she mentioned them looking for a new roommate. and please let it work. because. i am nervous about maybe having to return back there. to my old home. back in erie. and i dont want too. no. no. no. no. not yet. i havent had time to be someone else. some place else. and think other new things. and she seems nice. and im sure her boyfriends nice. and please. please. let her call or come in tomorrow and tell me its a deal. i will pay. and pay. as much as i can. i will buy whatever food they like. and i will serve them dinner. please. i dont want to leave yet. today i spoke to george. and deena. and she gave me a ride home. and we made fun of frances. and im learning to be less stressed about people. and things. and i want it to keep coming. and i dont want to leave. and im afraid she'll say sorry he said no. sorry maybe it wont work. but. i will do whatever it takes to make it work. because. i am at that place now again. where i am willing to be unhappy. and hurt. and be pissed. all for the sake of something new. and nice. and not back there. and i can be anything i want here. and she seems nice enough - michelle. please. let. me. stay. just now. let me fix who i am. and maybe one day when i do travel back east people wont hate me so much because ill be a bit better. and i hope joe gets his money this time. because. if he doesnt. ill give up. i know he wont call and let me know. so ill have to wait. and. see if it comes back. please let me move in there. and be nice to them. because for 300 to 400 it will be worth not returning to erie any time soon. please. im afraid it will fall apart because most things i want do. but she mentioned it and we spoke for a reason. it has to be. i usually wouldnt speak to anyone at work like that. but she speaks to me. all the time. and she seems nice. and i think wed get along just fine. because. i dont mind cleaning and being quiet and learning and listening and talking and entertaining and sleeping in a nice safe place. and whether i bitch or not or worry or not or hate or not i really dont mind working and paying. as long as i can be crazy and be me all the same. because. my real self will never change. its the outside i need to rearrange. please. let. them. say. yes. you. can. stay. we'll. try. it. a. bit. dont i deserve that much? i know ive been horrible and lame and a pain and a bitch and a liar and bitter and mean. but. dont i deserve a little more of a chance here? just here. im not asking for much. ill walk even farther. ill still be early for work. and ill keep working on my attitude. just. please. dont. send. me. home. yet.