dont fear. i fell off but i dont plan on staying off. tonight was a test i guess. to see how i felt about it. the getting drunk bit. sure. the mellowness is nice. the easy-going-ness is mighty fine. but. the feeling. doesnt feel so appealing. im not sure why. maybe because in the back. and the front of my mind i know its fake. these reactions. these emotions. these expectations. FAKE. the alcohol just causes reactions. usually amping up what youre already feeling and bringing it up to the brink. i dont enjoy it right now. i think ill continue on with my soberiety tomorrow and forget this. never to repeat it. i dont think i actually actually really seriously want to drink again. im not sure why. the embarassing moments. the being taken advantage of. the sadness. or the sickness. some-thing. has made it un-enjoyable. you know. im pretty damned gifted. ive just been in a 4 year long coma. tomorrow i wake up. and i stay that way forever. I HAVE NO NEED TO BE BRAIN DEAD. no thank you. my mind likes being awake thank you. and i think its about time i realized that. the ROCKSTAR DIET deserves a small break for quite some time.