"Vegas is a dream." Indeed it is a good movie. FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS: Beautiful. Laughable. Enjoyable. Indeed. Today I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm a little lost. Confused. Sick to my stomach because of junk food overdose. Expanding my waste line. Making me ill. My cheeks feel swollen. Fat. My body feels squishy and slow. I can't indulge anymore. I have to get serious again. I dreamt last night. But I can't remember the meaning. It got lost somewhere between my soberity and my complete loss of feelings. Numbness. Settled in like a cold, welcomed wind. I was lit last night. Lit as can be. Watching a good movie. And fighting off my demons. It was a good night indeed. Maybe? Maybe not for my brain cells, but for the rest of me...it was lovely. We're supposed to go out tonight. I'm slowly doubting we will. I feel like some rolly polly monkey right now. Waiting to either vomit or do some fancy little tricks. (It doesn't make sense). Don't worry, nothing makes sense. It's not supposed too. I'm not going to worry anymore. I'm going to let it all ride. Ride and slide. If it doesn't do that than I'll forget it. I'm not going to hold onto anything anymore. There is no point. "If you love something, let it go. If it's yours it will come back, if it doesn't...hunt that shit down and kill it." Remember those words. Live by them. Breathe it all in everyday. I'm inspired. Inspired for the wrong reasons. "I coulda been a contenda..." We all could've been. Something wonderful. Mixed together in peace. Blended like a smoothie. Maybe? I'm rambling now. Attempting to be poetic about my same old problems. Well not really problems, just issues. I have to learn to let go and to be happy with each choice I make. This may be rare. Rare and difficult. "To weird to live...to rare to die." Indeed. My stomach hurts. Hurts from the over-stuffing it recieved last night. Tortured by icky food. Tempted to go wrong. And wrong we did go. Who knows? I don't. I won't. And it's fine. SEB needs to call me, let me know what's up. Maybe her and J planned something instead. I sort of wish he'd go with us again. Or maybe Mattguy, anyone really. It's nice going out with a nice sized crowd. I'll never see P there. He's too cool for our bar. Which is fine by me. Fine, fine. I need to go and watch another movie before I write another quick paper before I do some laundry before I get my shower before I need to get dressed before I can drive all that distance before we can go out. BANG. DFN.