not that ive been having a blast. but i havent been at work. so its been quite nice. for this week. but gone now. time does fly. especially when you want it to go as slow as possible. i dont know what it is. creeping up lately. this thing coming alive. slowly. i dont like it one bit. not one tiny bit. things here feel old. and they shouldnt. not yet. maybe its just me. ive made myself known here. just like back home. through bad habits and bad behavior. and maybe i do regret all of it. then again maybe i dont. and maybe im afraid i dont. i feel hurt about gyver. i feel hurt that he doesnt care. how can i guy tell you exactly what you were wearing the very first time he ever seen you and not actually give a shit. im so perplexed. i didnt even remember seeing him. let alone wishing him luck. but he remembered that i had on my pink flyd tshirt. and i wished him good luck. what the fuck. why let me know. why tell me. why care what the fuck i was wearing. why cant boys just be honest. if they like you they tell you. if theyre not so into you they dont act like they are. and i tried my damndest to not analyze it all. not to look too deeply into all of it. and what did that get me. right where i am now. nothing. not a fucking thing. but weirdness and sadness. and o well fuck it. things are changing here. and im not sure if its for the best. big c and the fatbrat annoy me. theyre opinion no matter how ridiculous and pointless seems to be the only opinion that counts. o and dont get me started on what they think punk is. punk is not the way someone dresses. or wears their friggin hair. or where they shop i.e. hot-topics. or what kind of music they listen to. punk is a state of mind. its rebellion against normalcy. it isnt a fucking scene. it isnt some little snot nosed kid wearing chick jeans and buying a 50$ coat with safety pins already attached to it in order to save him the work. its being broke. and getting drunk. and yelling. and fighting. and spitting in peoples faces. and just being yourself and not worried about fitting into the mold. goddamn society for commericalizing everything. the only way to be different nowadays is to dress like a goddamn amish bumpkin or prepasshole. there is no punk. or goth. or emo. or metal. or hardcore. or skaters. or ravers. no. not anymore. because commercialization and the newer generations murdered that shit. slaughtered by over use and the need to be different in order to fit in. spare me. please save me from the cutters. and anorexics. and selfdiagnosedskitzos. and the whiners. and the weepers. and the iwannadiebecauseididntgetmypradabag little spoiled bitches. and the teeny cellphone users. and the 12 yr old sluts. and the imsocoolbecauseimgay kids. and the wiggers. and the gangstas. the new wave has come and its brought complete idiots along in the tide. brutal.