id like to think. my attitude. is just spilling over from getting up too early. and. taking diet pills. because. im out of caffiene pills. and. i dont mean to take it out on jorge. hes an easy target i assume. but. everyone here seems to not understand. sarcasm. and. i am sarcasm. and. sarcasm am i. i will repair any damage though. i do not worry. because. there is nothing left for me to worry about. no. no. not really. today. i am awake at 9 in the morning making spaghetti sauce. not the real good kind. but. the edible kind. because. i cant afford the better ingredients yet. and. any minute now sarah will call because shes decided its time to do something. and. she is moving to colorado. because. bobby wants too. and. i hope i am never as pathetic as that. living for a penis. living by the penis rules. living for dick. its such a desperate plight. and girls seem to forget who they are so easily these days. well. i like who i am. even if i dont. and i do complain. but. i wont be ruled or step aside. just for a dick. or a chance at dick. thats a bit pathetic. and. love. is. always. replacable. always. but. people fail to realize. that there are always. more bitches in the pound. more fish in the sea. more hobos on the train. love. is. replacable. but. most girls fail to realize that what they see is what they get for life if they so choose to chase that one for life. pathetic. and. sarah will move to colorado and be miserable just because bobby wants to move to colorado and be miserable. eh. it isnt my life. and. im happy about that. sink or swim here. sink or swim. sink. or. swim. and. ill do either one. because. im not picky. ive decided that even if i do settle here for a bit it will. not. be. permanent. because. i dont believe in it right now. i dont believe in creating a concrete life with concrete things right now. no. not now. because. im not 30 yet. and 30 is my cut off date. thats when ill head back to school. or. get pregnant. or. go into rehab. because. at 30 ill begin to age and worry more. i assume. maybe. if not then ill carry on until 40. but. i wont settle now. theres too much to see and do and feel and touch and hate and love and just do. i want to taste the world a bit. and. then decide whether or not to go on. or. stop. i still have california and new york and chicago and europe and spain and rome and italy to see. too many things to see. i do need to work on my funky mood though. im better when im being fake and happy. im better when im feeling comfortable. im better when im unstoppable. because. it is only my fears that hold me back. and. what pray tell have i left to fear? the worst has happened and passed like a sharp piece of glass across my heart. the worst has already come and ruined me. the worst has been here and left its stain on my soul. i have nothing to fear. and. fear nothing?