i always find it comforting to find my words here.

hiding.

right where i left them so long ago.

before all that was.

and now all that is.

the things you choose eventually choose you.

we/re once again faced with an issue we/ve been faced with far too much in this life.

in such little time.

if only we knew how to behave better.

act better.

grow up and be less selfish.

his gambling and meth.

my drinking and rage.

we carried it to the limit.

those are the things we apprently find more important.

than family time.

family life.

behaving.

while all of my friends old and new go on to better pastures.

we/re left in the muck.

always in the muck.

because feeding the demon.

is more important than feeding the light.

i refuse to be here again.

and i dont care what it takes to get it good and gone.

facing life on the street is no way to live.

or to love.

or to show as an example.

we came here.

i came back here.

to be different.

to be the old better me.

the one with joy in my black cold heart.

not to watch it all fall apart.

again.

and again.

if only i could find the nerve to be that me.

the one who doesnt make excuses.

or play pretend.

im farfarfar too old for this game.

please give us one more 2nd or 3rd or 4th or 5th undeserved chance.

this time i will not fail.