i will tell you what you need to know. what you need to grow. and move on. to better things. staying sober isnt easy. staying relaxed is getting harder. and i find it a bit difficult to not runaway again. i wonder what keeps me here other then the fear. i need the fear. the FEAR. t fear of losing everything and being without. but ive already been in that situ. ive already walked down the dark road. ive already watched my life burn to ash. right in front of my eyes. what do i fear. i fear leaving behind people i do care about. but ive done that before. i fear getting hurt or going without or going to worse. but. honestly. i fear change again. i will train myself to go without that fear. to live without it. these kids around me. they have no idea. wasting their fucking time trying to live right. paying bills and holding loser jobs. wasting the only time they really have. BUT I'LL STAY THE SAME FOR YOU. i would miss johnathon the most and meggiesue and even sunnyashlee. ive grown attached to them for one reason or another. i dont know what to do. give me a fucking sign. make something happen. help me wake up fully. wake me up. wake me. wake. me. up. wake. up.