i live to dream the addicts life. i live to dream the addicts dream. i dream to live the addicts life. i dream to live the addicts dream. i live to live the addicts life. sex. rock. roll. heroine. and a speed bump. tight belt around the arm. needle poking. down inside. hitting my nerves. of steele. roll. rock. sex. i like the addicts dream. i crave. the addicts. crave. i like the roaming about idea. i like the roaming about. i like the. smell of it all. hot under the light. burning in circles. heaving delight. i can't help loving it. wanting it. lusting it. i can't help it. the feeling. i get. when i see. the addicts. walking about. in torn clothes. and desperate faces. looking on. towards a forgotten. tomorrow. i cannot help but want their sorrow. i cannot help the rush. or the crush. of my irresponsibility. i cannot help you. deal with it. or want it. or love it. or live through it. idontexpectyoutolive. past. my prime. things. and things. and things. and things. i want out. of this. mess. i want out. of this. facade. dreams. are seeming things. of distant seas. dreams. i would like to create my own traffic jam. i yearn for chaos. i scream for mayhem. i want a new world. to call. my own. moving things about. moving pieces of time. about. the empty. room. filling me with dread. calling out my doom. i am torn curtains on a sunny day. a fist against the face at night. a screaming cut of blood. against your ivory skin. i need a break. from reality. because reality hurts. i need a break from love. because love hurts. i need a break from family. because family hurts. i need a break from here. because here is where it hurts. that's all i need. a new life. my new life. 23 years. twenty three years. of being locked in purgatory. caught in shackles by the river of stix. doomed. i apologize for her dying. i'm sorry for it all. but i can't stop living. breathing. it hurts. and burns. and pokes. and sticks. sharply in my heart. i ask for signs. i get no signs. i ask for dreams. i get no dreams. nightmares. of all things. out. out. out. out. out. out. out. out. out. i must leave this place.