lets try this again shall we. i dont believe i have the energy to keep playing the same old games with myself. things end because nothing can possibly last forever. and. if it does. well then theres definitely some thing wrong. the sun rises. the sun sets. the night must always turn into the day. unfortunately. the key to eliminating obsessing, is to put the entire situation into the proper perspective. the men i meet are temporary fillers until eventually someday maybe i will meet that one whose been trying to meet me. it may be a cheezy and moronic way of viewing it. but. out there. out out there. some place near or far or both. somewhere. he's missing me. he's missing me as much as i miss him. if not more. that strange fella who will one day hopefully steal my heart. whoever he may be. is missing me. whether he knows it or not. he is. such a corny way of trying to deal with another heartache. and maybe i shouldve thrown caution to the wind and made more of an advance on d then i did. but. if i had would i have done more harm then good. and would i feel even worse now then i do. probably. but at least i wouldve taken the chance. and maybe thats the regret i always carry. it isnt losing the guy. its losing the chance. i wont die because of this. i wont sit and cry. i wont keep asking why why why. theres no point in such ridiculous actions. or emotions. we could only get so close for so long because it was good. good while it lasted. and ended on a much better note then anything with joe or pat ever did. ill care but not too much. if i dont want to be the old me then its time i start not being her. wwooad? i refuse to base this new life i have here entirely on missing someone. or old times. seriously. i waste enough time already. i wonder about home. and if ill ever end up going back. if i do i hope i leave lv on good terms. not that pa will ever be the first place i head. itll be nice to see it again though after being away for months. i havent been on 7th street in nearly 4 months. i havent been on rudolph in nearly 7. i havent been in edinboro in 8 or 9. its. been. a. while. i keep forgetting how long its been. maybe a year in lv will be long enough. maybe not. i wonder what will become of me.