I am a definite on the whole sieze the day thing. Last night I spent time with some pot heads. We smoked. Laughed. Talked about nonsense. Finally we left. I was gone. My mind was blown. I spent money. I have more to spend today. And I am fighting the urge. Smoking beats my stress. Relieves me of this burden. I can't waste away my days though. Every now and than is fine, but I can't go back to being how I was before. A complete burn out. I'm in classes now. If this was the summer it would be different. I am thinking about Pat today. I know I shouldn't, but I can't help myself. I am pathetic. I am also struggling with this diet. I am fiening for junk food. Maybe some of us are just meant to be fat and ugly. This is my true destiny. Well I have decided to sit home tonight and watch movies with my mother. Sure, it doesn't sound like the "coolest" thing to do, but I'm too old to try and be cool. Besides, she's lonely. I am all she has now. One night in, sober won't kill me. At least let's hope not. Well I am done for now. Maybe Pat will get off of my mind soon. I don't like thinking about people I can't have. O well.