to what i have been before. and ill destroy her. no questions asked. or referred. no questions. and ill destroy her. because. i will never be again the me i used to be. because. she is far too tiring. the memories i keep. are real. and run deep. the memories i do keep. are real. and do show when i sleep. i have come far too far. to ever be again that flickering. giving up star. i will not. be. the. me. i. used. to. be. because she was far too angry. and whiny. and unhappy. all i want to be. is the real me. that. ive. always. strived. to. be. poetry. is my serenity. my savior. my redemption. and my ressurection. it has been almost one year. and i will not give up. i will not turn over and die. show my belly to the beast. i refuse. to be abused. to be used. its here. beating. breathing. retreating. and ready for another go at it. all of the same old hard shit. and again ill wake. and bring it all back. to where it was meant to be. because. the old me. is the old me. who i refuse to ever see. again. underneath this light skin. lies a beast of greater proportion. i will save myself. because. no one else can. no one else can. whether they like it. or understand it. no one else can save me. but. me. so fuck it. i will. because my mother didnt raise a quitter. she raised a get-there. a go-there. a go getter. to the end. crash me down. and ill rise again. because. thats my nature. thats the material she left me. harsh blood. and a beating heart. of lead. refusing to be marked as forgotten or dead. get on up. get on up. get on up. and go.