I'm not one for church. Or religion. Or god. Or faith. Some times though I wish I was. It would be easier. To agree. To nod yes. To praise the lord. At least I figure it would be easier. I'm not afraid of hell. Or of heaven. I'm not afraid of being wrong. Or right about my opinions. When it all comes down to it, it's all a matter of philosophy and acceptance. I do think that the world would be a better place with one universal belief. But in this world that will never happen. People often give me that 'must be a satan worshipper' look every time I share my opinions of religion. Unfortunately, I think I'm a little to educated to believe in satan. Most devil worshippers I know mispell his name, ex: "Satin Rocks." Yes, satin does rock with it's softness and smoothness. Satan on the other hand. I don't believe in either. I believe mainly in the universe. One strong power conducting the symphony of life. A flow of energy if you will. One complete, uncontrollable power that cannot be contained nor named. Aww it all comes down to perception. What we each want to accept. I'm not against any way as long as it feels right to whomever is following. I guess my heart is just obsessed with chaos and trouble. I like viewing the big picture in my mind. It's like a game. Usually. I don't even know why I'm discussing any of these useless thoughts. Some times my mind just gets so overloaded. Like a computer about to burn out. Shut down. Poof and I'm done. I wish I could often leave these ideas alone. Sit and stare blankly at a television and forget that there are problems in the world. Forget that people are starving. That people are dying. That nothing seems fair. That there is no real justice. That and that and that and more. It never ends. I'm like a computer with an endless source of flowing information. No one's here to shut me off. I can't say I don't like thinking. I love it. I love analyzing everything a million and one times. I enjoy it. Usually. But some times I wish my head was full of air. And my heart could rest. Sometimes I wonder if I am fortunate or doomed. I'll find the answer someday. On my death-bed I'll see a tremendous white light and out will reach a hand holding a card that will say in large black letters either: YES or NO. And that will be it. I will know the answer to my question. I will for once be satisfied and know whether or not any of it was worth it. Worth my crying. Fighting. Screaming. Dreaming. Schemeing. See. My mind if full of crap like this. Cluttering crap of nonsense. The mind never sleeps. Not really. It stays awake pumping information throughout your body. Telling the blood to go to the heart to go to the head to go to the hands. Telling the lungs to inhale to exhale to make more enzymes. On and on goes the mind. The master behind it all. The Wiz of Oz. It's a beautiful thing actually. The opera of our minds and bodies. The cluttering crap in our brains. It will be a long night indeed. Done for now.