I don't hold it against SEB for not inviting me to the bar with them. I don't care actually. What's the point? I'm done fretting over all this shit from other people. I'm done worrying about anyone else, but myself. I don't care to care anymore. It's all exhausted time anyways. I actually can't wait until classes begin. I'll have an excuse for missing everyone's shit. For not being around or available. I'll be able to make up plenty of good excuses. I can't wait. I need to be somewhere else. Somewhere outside of this binding house. I don't like being around M anymore. And I don't pretend I do. I don't care about her as much anymore. I don't want too. It never leads to anything, but pain. And I'm sick of all that too. I need to figure out a system for myself. I need to land a job. And save some money. I am leaving a month after I graduate. I swear. I promise myself that. I am gone a month after I succeed in college. I am *poof* gone. No more wasted dreams or wants. I'm going to find what it is I need and I will finally be happy. I don't want to die in this town. I don't want to become one of the nameless others who live here and die here. I don't want to settle. I don't want to give in. Or give up. I don't want this town. And this town doesn't want me. So fuck it. *Paces floor* I don't need to worry anymore. "Whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see...casera sera." The only thing I've heard in my entire life that actually makes some sort of sense. I don't want this life and I don't want to pretend I do. Shit. I should be out looking for a job right now. I think maybe once my 'smokes' gone today. I'll dedicate myself to finding a job tomorrow and the days following. I need to get extremely burnt before I can give it all up for months. Or maybe longer. I need some sort of starting point. I wonder if I should clean the kitchen today. Maybe I should just do my room. It is awfully nasty up there. Moving on. I don't know what else to think or do anymore. I'm not concerned about anything. I'm not worried. Nor stressed. Nor scared. Nor caught. I shall do my own thing from now on and enjoy it. I don't need to answer to anyone, but myself. And that's all I need to remember. *Smile* I feel good. Done for now.