and surpressed feelings always come to the surface after a few hard drinks and multiple cups of coffee. and. i hate getting into it. but. i need to every so often. just enough to keep my sanity from falling away. ill be fine regardless. im always fine regardless. thats just the breaks. and who cares what his deal is. i dont. i cant. theres no point. because. its just meaningless. anyway. i wont hold regrets. i wont hold guilt. i cant. i refuse. because. its all so heavy already. i cant take anymore. and. what there is to take just doesnt add up. ive seen worse. ive felt worse. ive been worse. now i have some sort of deserved cold. brought on by too many cigarettes. and. harsh shots of liquor. its my own fault. i could careless. because. i am so very care less. routine. time. spent. repenting. is. wasted. time. indeed.