If there was ever a day to set the world on fire, today would be that day. Well my happy go-lucky life has quickly fallen right out of the window. Friday was horrible. Saturday morning was horrible. Sunday is slightly horrible. Friday everything in the world that could've went wrong, went wrong. I didn't get to see P. I wasted hours on campus looking for someone who does not care about me. I went down to the east side. Spent hours looking for a sack. Got locked out. Wasted more time. Smoked a lot. Got a little tripped out. Cousin called and angrily hung up. Mother called being suspicious. Drove all the way back out into the woods. Spent time getting ready to go out. Went out. Got drunk and loud. Argued with best friend over nothing important. Passed out and finally woke up early enough to leave without talking to best friend. Saturday was a blur. Today is a lazy, lazy day. Nothing is going on. I feel piggish. I got a pity e mail from P. I don't even care anymore. What does this mean? "we could hang out some time...that would be killa." Ugh, not the response I was hoping for. I have once again managed to make myself look like a jackass. I don't need pity. I should have never suggested hanging out. I'm glad that we never will because I can only swallow so much pity before I actually vomit. This summer is going to be horrible. I can feel it in my toes. Tingling. Burning. A numbness that I know all to well. What did I expect? A love note? A sincere expression of excitement or enjoyment at the thought of being near me? I was wrong. As I usually am. So very wrong. It doesn't matter. I won't see him again so I shouldn't feel too bad or embarassed. Guys like him aren't for me. K will be gone too. Another distraction out of my way. I can't say I'll miss him, but I sort of will. Maybe I'll call him later. Maybe. Probably not. Grades will be out soon. I'm not overly excited. I don't like to get excited over failing. I don't know what else to say. I don't even know what else to do today. I'm not feeling very mobile or motivated. P doesn't matter anymore. There's nothing there. Empty. Done for now.